Scared...

Well, my last blog was short and sweet... I finished kind of abruptly but my mum was telling me to go to bed :)

To explain the title of this post... We have just had an estate agent round, and it looks like we're selling up and moving, who knows where. it's been on the cards for a few weeks, but the reality of it hadn't really hit me, i mean, my dad has talked about moving before and it's never happened. But this time we've had the estate agent round, we've got a good price for the house (35,000 more than my dad said he would sell for, i believe it's a "sign" from God to my mum and i that it's His will for us to go this time... If that makes sense, but we shall see!), and my dad is selling the shop on the Word-Of-Mouth market... The one that foreigners who own kebab shops use! Lol...

So, i'm not particularly bothered that we're moving, i'm scared about where and what it's going to be like packing up our thousands of books... But i am just trusting God. I need to get my head round it, it's just quite a big thing.

I have no idea if any of this is making sense, so i'm going to change the subject to something else!

I was walking my dog this morning (Charlie, my "brain-dead bag of bones", that says it all), listening to my iPod. It was a sermon entitled "Wanted: Women who are Modest, Gentle and Quiet" and it was a study on the first 6 verses of 1 Peter 3. It made me think... About myself and my relationship with God, and my attitudes etc. and how important it is to be focused on Him and on keeping your heart in order, rather than worrying about what people think of your dress sense. As a Christian i believe we need to be neat and tidy, modest obviously, and dressed not trendily but not like we are living in the early 1900's. If we dress dowdily, it atomatically puts up a barrier between us and any people we try to share the Gospel with, yet we still need to differentiate ourselves from the world in the way we dress as it tends to be the first thing people notice about you... If that makes sense... I'm VERY aware that i ramble on so much sometimes that my rambling loses any logic it may have once contained.

I'm also praying and striving towards speaking more gently and quietly, i can be very loud, due to having an extensive Turkish family who are *very* loud, and an English family who aren't much quieter. But i am trying to use "volume control", and also praying that God will help me be gentler towards people when i'm talking and not quite as harsh as i know i can be.

Anyway.... I'm going to go and finish moving my room round, cleaning under stuff, and painting. My mum says she doesn't know what happened to me as i actually enjoy doing housework haha, good job for someone who would eventually like to have 12 kids :D getting far too in front of myself but there you go :)

I'm going, so i will blog to you later, take care and God bless to my reader group, which so far consists of my dear mother :)

Ciao ciao!!

A Reality Check...

Ok, i'm home! It made me realise that i do live in the real world after all, and that unfortunately all the home-edders can't live on a little island in the middle of nowhere, with no contact with the outside world... So i'll just have to dream haha. But seriously, it's important that we are "in" the world but not "of" the world, otherwise how can we be a witness and share the Gospel with the unsaved. And we can just content ourselves with the thought that we will enjoy the fellowship that we do get throughout the year alot more, because we are without it for the rest of the year...

Anyway, just a little thought, will write again soon but i must go to bed, still recovering from a cold and throat infection! So blog to you later! Good night and God bless xoxox

Rededicated to the Lord...

The following refers to my recent weekend away with 23 other home-educated Christians in their Teens and Twenties.

What did i get out of the weekend? How has it affected my life, my feelings, and my walk with God?

I felt that the series of talks we heard this weekend were benficial for me personally on many levels. Specifically, a talk on how the Lord Jesus grew in wisdom, stature and favour with both God and man. It encourages me a great deal, as after an awful year last year (for a number of reasons i won't bore you with), i was feeling quite helpless and hopeless in my walk with God. The weekend helped me to realise what mistakes i have been making, in that i was trying to become more Godly in my own strength rather than relying on God and His grace to help me.
I also came away from the weekend with a deeper understanding of what it means to trust God wholly and completely, rather than worrying about what the future holds. Mr. Harding said something that struck me, God has already written the end of our story, and it has a happy ending. Whatever things we think may affect our future happiness, God has them all under control and things will work out for the best. We may not know what our "happy ending" is yet, but we must wait carefully and cautiously for God to reveal His will to us through studying Scripture and fervent prayer, and in the meantime, get on with what God has for us now, in the situation we are in, whatever it may be, and take our lot without complaining but glorifying our Lord in everything we do
I also realised (although i knew this to some level anyway!) that i cannot in any way, shape or form, trust any of my feelings. I need to lean on God completely.
I have given my body as a living sacrifice to the Almighty God, to use in whichever way pleases Him, to use in whichever way i will be most useful to Him. I am a shapeless lump of clay, ready to be molded and shaped by the Potter's hands. I am a sheep, ready to follow my Shepherd where ever he will lead me until he calls me Home.
I pray daily that i will be useful to God and that He will help me to develope the qualities i need to fill the role that He has for me. I pray that He will help me to deny myself, take up His cross and follow Him with my whole heart.

There are other people out there in the same situation as me, i am not alone. I have so many blessings in my life, i may be isolated but there are people who are more isolated, and it's for a divine reason that i may or may not come to find out in years to come.

I have struggled, i feel more on fire for God than i have ever done and i am striving towards a prize worth far more than anything here on earth. I will write more later... I am at my auntie's and i have alot to talk about... I'm overflowing with joy and zeal after the weekend and i want to share it with everyone!