It is COLD!

Seriously, it's freezing! Yet my mum still refuses to turn on the central heating... I am SO badly done to... Haha.

Well, this post is merely by way of introduction back into the blogging sphere... I really need to get into some form of habit when it comes to blogging. My life has slightly more structure to it now than it has had on previous occassions, so hopefully i may be able to get a routine going... However, i wouldn't recommend holding your breath... Never mind causing brain damage, you would probably die.

Sooo... I now live in Northern Ireland during term time *mini whoop* as i'm studying at the Whitefield College of the Bible, which most of my Readers will probably already know. Three months in, i'm loving it! The LORD has blessed tremendously, and despite finding the amount of work i need to do quite stressful (fitting it all in and clinging to some form of social life), it is BRILLIANT. The lectures are all focussed on the Scriptures, and i have learnt more than i could have imagined even in this short space of time. I sit listening to the lecturers, and it's as if they are turning tiny lights on inside my head... Like a series of mini epiphanies, and i am truly praising and thanking the LORD for leading me to a place that honours the truth of the Bible, and teaches all to the glory and honour of God. The LORD has helped, and it is through His strength that i go on. He is the shade upon my right hand!

I am currently home for the Christmas/New Year holidays, and have been working some shifts at the nursing home to help my finances along. I really do detest working nights, but praise the LORD for the provision of a job to come home to. I may have formulated a Biblical argument against working nights (it has the potential to be utterly weak and flimsy with more against it than for it, but it was worth a shot), see a later post for that one.

I intend to blog about thoughts (the few that i have) and things on here, but i didn't want to just jump in at the deep end after not blogging for months. So this is your blogging equivalent of "small talk".

How is the weather with you? What are you up to these days? Found any interesting blogs recently? (Other than mine, obviously ;-P)
Let me know how you are!

On Going On A Journey...

Firstly, my apologies for the utter lack of blogging over the past couple of weeks. It's coming up to exam season, and i've recently realised what a ridiculous amount of work i have to do before then, whilst still making time for revision! Not fun. Anyway, i will make a concerted effort to post a little more regularly, even if it's only recommendations for listening material or other such things.

The purpose of this blog was really to share with you the following essay, written by William Hazlitt in 1822. I read it, and fell in love with it! It's beautiful!

"One of the pleasantest things in the world is going on a journey; but I like to go by myself. I can enjoy the society in a room; but out-of-doors, nature is company enough for me. I am then never less alone than when alone.

'The fields his study, nature was his book.'

I cannot see the wit of walking and talking at the same time. When i am in the country, i like to vegetate like the country. I am not for criticising hedge-rows and black cattle. I go out of town in order to forget the town and all that is in it. There are those who for this purpose go to watering-places, and carry the metropolis with them. I like more elbow-room, and fewer encumbrances. I like solitude, when i give myself up to it, for the sake of solitude; nor do i ask for

'a friend in my retreat

Whom i may whisper solitude is sweet.'

The soul a journey is liberty, perfect liberty, to think, feel, do just as one pleases. We go on a journey chiefly to be free of all impediments and of all inconveniences; to leave ourselves behind, much more to get rid of others. It is because i want a little breathing-space to must on indifferent matters, where Contemplation

'May plume her feathers and let grow her wings,

That in the various bustle of resort

Were all too ruffled, and sometimes impair'd,'

that i absent myself from the town for awhile, without feeling at a loss the moment i am left by myself. Instead of a friend in a post-chaise or in a Tilbury, to exchange good things with, and vary the same stale topics over again, for once let me have a truce with impertinence. Give me the clear blue sky over my head, and the green turf beneath my feet, a winding road before me and a three hours' march to dinner - and then to thinking! It is hard if i cannot start some game on these lone heaths. I laugh, i run, i leap, i sing for joy. From the point of yonder rolling cloud i plunge into my past being, and revel there, as the sun-burnt Indian plunges headlong into the wave that wafts him to his native shore. Then long-forgotten things, like 'sunken wrack and sumless treasuries,' burst upon my eager sight, and i begin to feel, think, and be myself again. Instead of an awkward silence, broken by attempts at wit of dull common-places, mine is that undisturbed silence of the heart which alone is perfect eloquence. No one likes puns, alliterations, antitheses, argument and analysis better than i do; but i sometimes had rather be without them. 'Leave, oh, leave me to my repose!' I have just now other business in hand, which would seem idle to you, but is with me 'very stuff of the conscience.' "

Please discuss any thoughts or feelings on the above :) i would like to know what you think!

Distractions, Distractions

I have a severe problem with motivation when it comes to writing essays on language issues.

Severe.

It looks like it's going to be a long night. I didn't end up getting any work done last night, as my mum was so ill the doctor told her she had to be admitted to hospital. So my grandma and i took her down to the Acute Assessment Unit, and there she stays. Hopefully she is being transferred to a quieter ward soon, as the one she is on is very busy and noisy. She is having some tests and things done and God willing, she should be home by the weekend.

It was very strange, we came home from Church on Sunday morning, and she was absolutely fine, just a little tired, so she went for a nap; by the time she woke up she was in agony with a really high temperature.

So here i am, sat at my laptop, blogging. Bah. I'm back at work tomorrow night, so that's an excuse to not get them written... But as my exams start in 6 weeks, i think i better get my nose to the grindstone =)

We had a student from the Whitefield preaching at church on Sunday. He was very good. And we have Michael Gray speaking this coming week, who is always a great blessing. I think i may stay for the day and get the train home after the evening service. I will be on my own so i can read and walk along the beach.

I love the beach. I used to walk Charlie along it every morning before we moved... And the weather has been lovely recently, so hopefully it will be nice enough for a dander on Sunday afternoon. Take in the fresh sea air and ponder life!

Apologies for the lack of substantial blogging over the past few days; it has all been rather shallow. Hoping to blog again later this week with something a little more thought-provoking.

I have had a difficult few days, but the LORD is constantly by my side. I just need to remember to stop looking at the seas of my troubles and keep my gaze fixed on the One who is in control, otherwise i'll soon be drowning in them.

I'm going to go and be all house-wifey now, i have some laundry to do and some tidying to finish. So that will keep me distracted until about midnight, when i will have absolutely no excuse for procrastinations! 

My Mum...

... is in hospital.

Please pray for her.

Time...

... is a commodity i am currently running short of.

I have 2 essays that i need to write by the end of today, plus 1-3 essay outlines depending on how productive i manage to be.

I also have to do some jobs in town. So, after a night shift of buzzer-happy patients, i will be getting my jobs done, getting a little bit of sleep and then cracking on with my essays... Oh fun. The only thing keeping me motivated at the moment (motivation... meh!), is the thought that in 3 months, my exams will be over and done with. That said, it's also mildly stressful as my productivity levels are exceptionally low at the moment.

So, if i manage to get all my work done, i may write a decent blog post later. If i don't, you know why.

Also, as a side note... I love Puritan Paperbacks =) 

Roll on pay day!

Ahh, the joys of books!

I just love them. Seriously. I cannot *wait* until June 19th. I'm going to sit and read a whole book in one sitting, no matter how long i sit up, and not feel in the slightest bit guilty for not studying =)

I got 4 new books this morning, i ordered them from Amazon in one of my random "book-buying" modes. I still have one more to arrive, but it's an improvement on last time, when i bought 23 books, none of which were remotely beneficial. Novels are better than television (in most cases, definitely on an intellectual level, just not necessarily on a moral level), but if you are going to invest time in a book, it should be informational at least.

At the moment, i can't really justify reading more than one book at a time due to the *VAST* amount of studying i have to do... I have about 6 essays that are well overdue. It's not great. But my book-of-the-moment is "The Secret Key to Heaven" by Thomas Brooks. It's about the importance of private prayer, and i'm finding it very challenging. I will be posting a brief outline of some of the points when i've finished it.

My next book to read is "Desiring God", and then "Young, Restless, Reformed"...

I should really be reading "Revision Guide to A-Level English Language" and all things associated with the aforementioned, but where is the fun in that?

The LORD is Good =)

I'm so tired. Really. It's quite phenomenal. And i have to work again tonight - sad face-

But despite this near exhaustion, i'm greatly encouraged. Las night was the children's meeting at our church. Recently we have started doing two meetings so that there is one for the over 13's and one for the younger ones. Last night, as opposed to 3 children, we had 8 children total! I had 3 teenage girls i nmy class, and my mum had 2 girls and 3 boys in her class.

Although it was encouraging, it was also mildly nightmarish... My class were ok, and showed interest in the lesson i was teaching. My mum's class on the other hand... Ouch.

All the kids that come are from a really rough council estate, alot of them don't have a male authority figure in their lives and i think this leads to "worse" bad behaviour, especially on the part of the little boys. One of them started shouting and throwing chairs around the rooms, then proceeded to storm out of church and pull down one of the wire grills that are up at the windows of the church. The girls (one of whom never misses a meeting) began being very badly behaved, and they were all generally uncontrollable!

Discipline is almost impossible, they know that you can't do anything to them apart from scold, and then they just laugh in your face.

Our nation is bringing up a generation of children who lack respect, education and moral values. All in the interest of "rights" and "political correctness". What about the "rights" of those people who have to put up with this bad behaviour?! I speak of the General Public.

We need to get on our knees and pray. We need to pray for these children, whose parent's don't care about them enough to make sure they are clean and well fed. Pray that they would be exposed to the Gospel and that the LORD would work in their little hearts. We need to pray for the parents, that they would come under the sound of the Gospel, and under conviction of their sins. We need to pray most of all for the LORD to raise up people who will work for Him, who will be zealous for Him, and who will have a heart for these people and their children. We need to pray that this nation would be brought on her knees before God.

Ooooo FACE PAINT!!!! How fun!

Quite frankly, my cousin is awesome. She painted my face as a butterfly (it's kind of an abstract butterfly, if you squint you can kind of see it...), and it still had minor tinges of blue on it until yesterday. Fun times.

So we painted faces, and then we played (a form of) football in the garden, and then we went into the "magical forest" on a bear hunt, and got chased by a swarm of bees... It was a very busy day!

I'm thinking tomorrow may involve some similar elements to Tuesday. I like face painting. Not the make up kind, the "paint-my-face-like-a-dalmatian" kind. It's fun.

Are our hearts for Him?

I recently listened to a sermon by Al Martin on the heart of man. It was very good, so i've attached the main points with  my own ponderings.

(NB: I realise that "ponderings" may not be a word, but it serves my purpose.)

I speak to myself in these things before i speak to any of you.

As Christians, we should make it our constant aim to draw near to Christ in heart, not just in mouth. It's far too easy to "talk the talk" but show no evidence of Christ in our day to day lives. If our heart's are not in Christ, we will eventually slip up. A pretence can only be kept for so long. We must be in Christ and of Christ, He is to be our everything, we should be consumed in Him. To "pretend" to be in Christ, is, suite simply, blasphemous.

"A man's mouth is the echo chamber of his heart."

Basically, a man's mouth indicates the true state of his heart. Even if man cannot see when we are whited sepulchres, God sees that we are "full of dead men's bones". Is keeping up appearances worth risking your eternal soul for?

We should not worry what men think of us. We should be concerned only with what the LORD thinks of us. A truly pure heart is evident by the God-pleasing life that springs forth as a result of that purity. We must be all for God, we cannot serve God and mammon. We must choose our ground.

Our heart's are spoken of much in Scripture. Proverbs 4v23 tells us "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

A heart sincerely in God must be:

• Constantly Guarded

We cannot be too careful with our hearts. When we are saved, our hearts become God's, they are His by rightful ownership. This does not mean, however, that our hearts will not go astray, therefore we must watch with all diligence for things that could take us away from a close walk with our Saviour; we must watch for our heart, that we do not leave our First Love. The devil is as a roaring lion, and young Christians are his prey. If we are walking on with the LORD and serving Him as we should, we are actively attacking Satan. This will not go unnoticed, and we will no doubt face trials and temptations on a daily basis. To overcome these, we must pray for strength and guard our hearts, that the fiery darts of the wicked one do not penetrate our souls.

• Continually Tender

Our hearts are not to be slow, hard, or evil. They are to be tender. The more tender our heart, the more responsive we will be to the word of God. The more tender our heart, the greater our burden will be for the lost, and the greater our compulsion should be to evangelise. Of all the things a Christian should possess, i would argue that a tender heart is one of the most important qualities to possess. Our hearts can only be softened by God,  but once they are softened, we must continually immerse ourself in Scripture, and spend much time in prayer, that they would not become as stone again.

• Increasingly loving, responsive and vulnerable

Vulnerable to God. Responsive to His Word. Loving to Him, appreciative of the work He has done in our lives, loving to the lost. We must be tuned into Scripture, we should begin the day and end the day in the Word, referring to it continually throughout the day. Through it, God speaks to us, and we must heed it. The less time we spend with God, the less responsive we will be to His Word.

If we claim to be His, He must be our everything. Our lives *must* be centred *fully* around God. In all things, we must seek to honour Him. This is true, and most Christians will accept that it should be so, but to what extent do we actually apply this to our lives? Is God our everything? Do we lean on Him, and Him along, for *all* things?

Personalized Bible Affirmation, anyone?

Is there no end to the things Google comes up with?

"Click Here For Your Free Personalised Bible Affirmation"

So obviously, i clicked. Just because, i have a curiosity that plagues me like a thirst in a hot desert.

"The PERSONALIZED BIBLICAL AFFIRMATION TOOL

This scripturally sound and uniquely innovative tool will help you appropriate and apply a Life-in-Christ dimension of living. You will instantly receive, on demand, a printable Biblical Affirmation, personalized with your name. It will contain an Affirmation and scriptures that precisely support the Affirmation.

Your complimentary Affirmation provided by THE SURE FOUNDATION THEOLOGICAL INSTITUTE is waiting for you. The instant you enter your name and submit, your printable Affirmation will resolve to your screen for you to print. We believe you will sense the power and presence of God's Spirit and Word by simply reading it aloud daily."

So now i am here. Speechless at my keyboard.

Feedback is welcomed. With open arms.

I don't like boys.

Well, i don't at the minute. They are stupid. I realise this is a completely unbiblical standpoint to take, but it will pass.

May i clarify that this is not all boys, just some of them.

It annoys me that people don't listen. I would go into more detail but this is a public domain and i don't want to come across as bitter, or twisted, or intolerant, or all of the above.

But i kinda am. Right at this moment in time i am anyway.

In fairness, listening isn't my strong point. I'm a good listener when people have problems they need to talk about, but if someone is telling me something, i have trouble remembering what they've said for any length of time after they've said it. Sometimes it just falls right back out of my head again. I maintain that this is due to my head injury (i can use that excuse for at least another 2-4 months). So i guess my problem is memory rather than listening.

Anyway, whatever the problem is, i tend to be able to remember very important things, where money is involved. Especially other people's money. I also am very good at listening/remember when that other person is, i don't know, on the end of some form of communicational device.

But hey. I'm getting into "bitter and twisted" territory so i will leave my little rant at that.

I'm still annoyed. Possibly even a teeny bit angry.

BOYS ARE STUPID.

(But not all boys)

Where are all the men and women?!

"A man must partly give up being a man

With womenfolk"

Robert Frost's "Home Burial"

I found this blog entry from 2007. I was studying the above poem at the time, and the quote amused me slightly, hence posting it. Reading back, it saddens me slightly. Although taking the poem completely out of context, it made me think of how society continually emasculates men. "Boybashing" as my brother calls it. 

We need to pray. Pray for a return to Biblical manhood and womanhood within Christian circles. Maybe then non-Christians would take us more seriously. What kind of a witness is it to an unbeliever when our home lives and family relationships are no different to theirs? 

Our roles as men and women are clearly outlined in the Bible, what is our excuse for flouting God's commandments concerning those roles? Men need to stand up and be men, strong leaders for Christ and not sops who let their women walk all over them. Men need to put their trousers back on! And Christian women need to stop idealising careers and "family planning", and return to Biblical femininity. Being in subjection to our fathers/husbands doesn't make us weak, it makes us strong. Strong in Christ, in our created place. Home-makers, rearers of children, supporters of our husbands. Witnessing through our modesty, meekness, gentleness.

There is *nothing* wrong with women being in subjection to the men in their life, be it father or husband. It is what the Bible teaches. It doesn't make us subordinate, or used, or badly done to. It is where we are strongest. I know many women who are proof of this, Godly women.

Just because we are not married, doesn't mean we should be out pursuing the world. We should be pursuing God. Pursuing a knowledge of Him so that we are better enabled in whatever He has in store for our lives.

I will be pursuing God, pursuing Biblical femininity, and trying to encourage my Brothers in the LORD to be real, Biblical men.

Some musings that interrupted my English Language essay...

I'm not very good at keeping motivated with my studying. I'm currently supposed to be in the middle of a "Language Investigation" studying the linguistics of 5 shampoo bottles and their effects on their targeted consumer groups - whoopee.

In the middle of my attempts to distract myself, i started thinking about my Christian walk. What it means to be a Christian. Why did God choose me, and what did He choose me for, when i continually fail Him? I mean *CONTINUALLY*

I have no idea. It's by His grace alone that i am His. A fraction of the enormity of what God did for me, and how unworthy i am to receive His blessing came over me. Jesus died for me. For me personally, and now my name is graven in the palm of God's hand.

I have been so worried about what the Summer and September will bring, that i had semi-forgotten God.

I've reached the stage now where i know need to stop worrying about the future and what it holds, because i know God has His hand on my path, and He will keep me and direct me. My only prayer is that He will use me to His glory and honour, and that my life will be useful to His cause.

After all, man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

Oo, Second Blog In A Week!

Well, i can't promise any profound thoughts, but it's a start! =)

I've had a very busy couple of days. Few days. Few months... Anyway, the way my shifts fall at work, i work one week and am off the next. So this is my week off from work, but week on for tremendous amounts of studying =)

I've discovered that sat on a cushion against the radiator in my room is the best place for me to study. If i sit at my desk, i daydream out of the window or find something to tidy (which i'm never short of in my room!); if i sit upstairs in the kitchen, i talk to my mum instead of study!

I'm in quite a mellow mood tonight. I feel quite alot better in my walk with the LORD, i feel closer to Him. Life is good, stressful but good =)

Church was *fantastic* on Sunday morning. It was a real blessing. Robert Palmer = powerful speaker. I really enjoyed it. We're only getting to church once on a Sunday at the minute, because it's nearly an hour to drive there and staying all day is really cold and uncomfortable at the minute, last night we were going to drive back but my grandma is ill so we're looking after her =)

Well, i can't really think of anything else to write at the minute, i have trigonometry on the brain... So i'll write again soon, God willing =)

As they say in Turkey, kendine iyi bak!!

=)

It's official... I'm the worst blogger ever!

I'm still alive.

And currently supposed to be writing a piece of coursework. My mum will flip when she finds out what time i go to bed... Ah well.

I really need to get back into the swing of blogging, i enjoy it, i just struggle to find time in which to blog. You know, in amongst my time wasting activities =)

Been struggling a bit recently, i won't go into details. But the LORD is gracious and never leaves me =)

"The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom i will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower."

He really *has* been my strength recently. He has shown me just how weak i am without Him, completely useless. A worm. But through Him i am strong =)

My memory is still really bad =(

I'm looking forward to the Summer.

That is all. Profound thoughts to follow later =)

Oh dear...

I'm really rather rubbish at keeping up with this blog malarky!

Just after my last post, i had a little accident which kind of interrupted any blogging i may have been inclined to do, as i fell off my godmother's horse and spent 5/6 days in hospital... 2 of those in ICU on a ventilator! I banged my head and had a really bad concussion, which has in turn knocked what little short-term memory i had into oblivion.

Anyway, the memory thing is starting to get a bit better now and i'm ridiculously busy with studying and working. I no longer work in McDonald's (thank goodness for that O_o), as i now have a job in a care home. I'm really enjoying it.

I'm also doing 4 A-Levels, which is very stressful i might add. Too much work, not enough time... So i really shouldn't be sat here blogging!

Hope my teeny tiny, probably non-existent, reader base is ok...